a terceira e de vez / third time's the charm

 Ja tentei escrever este post duas vezes e falhei... A primeira o blogger apagou e a segunda deixou de fazer sentido depois do que aconteceu na noite de sexta para sabado.

Na sexta a noite, comecei a sentir uma dorzinha muito fininha mas, constante por baixo do umbigo. Nao quis pensar muito nisso, afinal as gravidezes sao feitas de pequenas dores, o corpo (especialmente pela primeira vez) esta a acomodar-se. Isto de carregar sementinhas da a volta ao sistema!

Quando fui-me deitar a dorzinha ainda la estava e comecou a preocupar-me, mas, mesmo assim pensei "Isto esta e a precisar e duma noite bem dormida". Por volta das 1h30 da manha, acordei com uma sensacao estranha, fui a correr a casa de banho e vi um bocadito de sangue. Comecei a ficar com medo, mas, tentei acalmar-me, nao entrar em panico e nao acordar o Ricardo, liguei para o NHS direct (uma linha de apoio medico da seguranca social) e falei com uma das assistentes, que disse que iria entrar e contacto com o meu medico de familia (logo ele) e que ele me telefonaria dentro de uma hora a nao ser que as coisas piorassem.

... as coisas pioraram... Comecei a deitar mais sangue e desta vez era dum vermelho vivo e entrei em panico, afinal ha tantas historias de horror neste mundo sobre gravidezes que comecam com algo parecido com o que me estava a acontecer. Tive de acordar o Ricardo, estava a ser dificil de aguentar tudo sozinha!

Coitado, nada como ser acordado por alguem lavado em lagrimas com medo de perder o bebe. Deve ter ficado tao abananado!

Com o Ricardo acordado, telefonei pela segunda vez para o NHS direct, que pos-me em contacto com o meu medico de familia... O homem continua a ser uma besta... Disse-me para ir a correr para o hospital porque, era possivel que estivesse a perder a sementinha. Ainda quis chamar um taxi, mas o Ricardo insistiu em chamar uma ambulancia. Devo confessar que achei demasiado, afinal eu estava a conseguir andar dum lado para o outro sem problemas, apesar de estar a chorar baba e ranho.

Os paramedicos foram muito simpaticos, no meio daquela confusao toda fizeram-me sorrir, ao dizerem que era refrescante terem alguem coerente na ambulancia numa noite de fim de semana, aparentemente fartam-se de lidar com montanhas de bebados!

Fartamo-nos de esperar no hospital, os paramedicos tinham razao. Estava cheio de bebados em variados estados de embriaguez e com cortes e altos multiplos. Quando finalmente conseguimos entrar numa das salinhas de observacao ainda tivemos e esperar mais hora e meia. Felizmente a medica era simpatica, e tambem ajudou o facto de eu ter ido fazer analises ao sangue uns dias antes, porque ela conseguiu ver que estava tudo bem. Nao sabia que existem casos em que o sangue da mae e incompativel com o do bebe, e que isso acarreta uma serie de problemas... Verdadeiramente assustador!

A medica aconselhou-me a ir fazer uma ecografia assim que abri-se esse servico as 8h30 e enviou-lhes um email a avisa-los da minha ida e a irmos para casa esperar porque ainda eram 6h30. Sinceramente nao sei se foi pior esperar no hospital ou em casa, de repente tudo parecia mais frio, foi quase como se o nosso cantinho tivesse perdido o seu lustro de lar, parecia-me algo extraterrestre e distante o conceito de lar. Eu sei, eu sei, sou muito melodramatica, mas, depois duma noite sem dormir e de toda a preocupacao, voltar para casa sem respostas foi muito frustrante.

Tudo isto para dizer que duma noite tao triste e mal passada, nasceu uma madrugada assustadica que por sua vez tornou-se numa manha muito feliz. Eu costumo dizer que o Ricardo tem o melhor tipo de sorte, ele tem sorte no azar, consegue sempre dar a volta por cima mesmo nos momentos piores, afinal que outra pessoa neste mundo e que foi atropelada quando era pequena, entre uma farmacia e uma estacao de bombeiros, partindo so uma das clavicula, ficado sem memoria do evento e ainda por cima que acaba por receber as prendas do natal antes do tempo? So mesmo alguem muito abencoado!

E felizmente parece que a sorte dele passou para a sementinha, porque nao so esta tudo bem, como ele foi o primeiro a ve-la durante a ecografia porque o monitor nao estava virado para mim!! Tudo o que eu vi no principio foi os olhos dele a ficarem muito grandes :)

Ele nem sequer era suposto ir a primeira ecografia, porque ainda nao dissemos nada no trabalho e daria demasiado nas vistas. E ou nao e sorte no azar?

Quando finalmente o medico virou o monitor para mim, vi a coisa mais bonita da minha vida. Como e que e possivel uma imagem a preto e branco ser tao espectacular? Vi a sementinha, as suas maozinhas, um narizito, com um dos pezinhos no ar, tao linda! Ja e tao perfeitinha, e ainda por cima o medico disse que estava tudo bem e que nao havia causas para alarme. 

Como e que uma noite de lagrimas e pesadelos, se tornou numa manha tao doce? 

Isto de ser mae pela primeira vez e complicado. Por mais que expliquem nada nos prepara para as sensacoes que nos passam pelo corpo e pela alma, a que aprender e ter calma porque no final ate um susto como este pode-se transformar em algo verdadeiramente espectacular!

 I have tried to write a post twice already and I failed... The first blogger chewed up and spat out something blank and the second became meaningless after what happened on the Friday to Saturday night.

Friday evening I started to feel a very light, dull and continuous ache below my belly button. I didn't want to think much about it, after all pregnancies are made of many little aches, the body (especially the first time around) is getting used to the changes. Carrying little seeds turns our bodies upside down!

When I went to bed the little ache was still pretty much present started to worry me, but, even then I though "All I need is a good night sleep". Around 1.30am, I woke up with a strange feeling, ran to the bathroom and saw a little bit of blood. I started getting scared, but tried to calm myself down and not to panic or wake up Ricardo. So I called NHS direct, talked to one of the assistants who told me that she would get in contact with my GP (him of all people) and that he would call me within the hour unless it got worse.

... it got worse... There was more blood and this time it was bright red and I panicked, after all there are so many pregnancy scary stories in this world that start with something similar to what was happening to me. I had to wake up Ricardo, it was getting too much to handle it all by myself.

Poor bear, there's nothing worse that being awaken by someone covered in tear and afraid of losing the baby. He must have been frightened out of his wits!

With Ricardo on his feet, I called NHS direct again, and they put me in contact with my GP... the man is still the twat with the manners of a bull in a china shop... He told me to run to the hospital because, I might be losing the little seed. I wanted to call a cab, but Ricardo insisted on getting an ambulance. I must confess that I thought that it was too much, as I could still walk around even though I kept on crying my eyes out.

The paramedics were lovely, and in the middle of all that fear and confusion they still managed to make me smile by saying that it was refreshing to have someone coherent in the ambulance on a weekend evening, apparently they mainly deal with drunkards!
We waited a really long time at the hospital. As the paramedics had said it was full of drunk people in several different states of inebriation and covered in multiple bruises. When we finally got into one of the observation rooms we still had to wait for another hour and a half. Fortunately the doctor was very nice, and the fact that I had just gone for some blood testing the previous day also helped as she was able to check that everything blood wise was fine. I wasn't aware that there are cases when the mother's and the babies blood isn't compatible, and that brings in a whole new set of problems... Truly frightening! 

The doctor told us that I should get a scan as soon as the early pregnancy unit opened at 8.30am and send them an electronic referral, she also said to go home as it was still just 6.30am. Honestly, I don't know if it was worse to wait at the hospital or the flat, all of the sudden it all felt colder, it was almost like our little corner had lost its homely feel, it felt distant and alien the concept of home. I know, I know that I am very melodramatic, but after a sleepless night and all that worry, coming back home with no answers was very frustrating.

All of this to say that from such a sad and sorrowful night, came a scary dawn that in its turn became a very happy morning. I usually say that Ricardo has the best kind of luck, he is lucky amongst the misfortune, he is always able to turn nasty sad moments on their heads; after all who else in this world has been run over as a small child, in a place between a chemist and the fire department, only breaking one of his clavicles, losing completely the memory of such a traumatic moment and, to boot, also got his Christmas present early? Only someone truly blessed!

Fortunately, it seems that his luck as rubbed of onto the little seed, because not only all is well but he also got to be the first to see it during the scan as I couldn't see the monitor at that moment. All I saw at the beginning was his eyes becoming as big as saucers :) 

He wasn't even meant to see the little seed this early, as he wouldn't be able to go to the first scan. If this isn't turning misfortune into good luck, I don't know what is.

When the doctor finally turned the monitor to me. I saw the most beautiful thing in my life. How can a slightly distorted black and white picture be so espectacular? I saw the little seed, its ickle hands, tiny nose,  a little foot up in the air, so gorgeous! It is already so perfect, and on top of that doctor said that all was well and that was no causes for alarm.

How can such a nightmarish and tearful night turn into such a sweet morning?

Being a first time mum is complicated. No matter how much information we get or how many people share their experiences, nothing prepares us for what we feel in our bodies and souls, nor for the fact that we should learn to be calm because after all at the end of such a scare it can all turn into something really spectacular!